I’ve been getting into the Olympics lately. No, not those ones, although I have discovered a love of watching men’s pole vaulting, but obsessively viewing Instagram reels of better parents than I pack lunches for their kids. It started as an ironic curiosity, but the next thing I knew I’d bought a set of dinosaur sandwich cutters, and was buying fruit according to how good they’d look as part of a rainbow skewer, instead of just getting the cheapest due to my poverty.

I don’t even know why. I don’t really care what anyone thinks of me, and I